by Roger Bourke White Jr., copyright July 2003
Here is my version of the e-mail scam message known as "The Nigerian Letter." Have fun.... Roger
I am Mr. Wu Doggie, SPAM Manager of ORIENT BANK OF TURKEY, Darkmeat Branch. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you and it is carefully explained for your understanding as follows.
On June 6 1997 Mr. Jumbleberry, an American spam consultant/contractor with the Bill Gates E-Mail Corporation, made a numbered time account (Fixed)deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at $25,000,000.00 (Five Million United States Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding e-mail address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, Bill Gates E-mail Corporation, that Mr. Jumbleberry was a fictional identity and no one knows who he really is.
On further investigation, I found out that he did not leave a forwarding address (or a WILL) and all attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Jumbleberry did not declare any next of kin in any of his Bill Gates Corporation official documents, or my bank documents.
This sum of US$250,000,000.00 is still sitting in the Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will come forward to claim it. According to the Turkish Darkmeat Law, at the expiration of 5(seven) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Microsoft Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.
Consequently, my proposal is that I would like you as a foreigner (in Turkish, a chump) to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Jumbleberry so that the fruits of this old man's labour (he was thirty five (35) at the time of his demise) will not get into the hands of some undeserving and corrupt officials. (If they weren't corrupt, that would be another matter, but I already know they are from personal experience, so don't worry about that.)
This is simple, I will like you to provide me immediately with the following; your full names, date and places of birth, blood type, beautiful women you are dating (and their cell phone numbers) and complete address with confidential telephone and fax numbers so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits, which will put you in place as the next of kin (in Turkish, the mark).
We shall employ the services of two (2) attorneys for drafting and notarization of the WILL and obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer.
A bank account in any part of the world, which you (U) would provide, will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin/john. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. (Please note, this is an exceptional offer available only from the Darkmeat Branch. All the Nigerian Bank Managers with dead contractor accounts will offer you only ten (10) percent.)
There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the three (3) attorneys and my position as the (1) Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.
If you are interested, Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand. (In Turkish, flim flam you)
Please observe utmost confidentiality, tell no one. But, if you know of a friend who is interested, have them contact me immediately -- there are thousands and thousands of old, wealthy, contractors with no next-of-kin being slaughtered on Turkish highways every year.
And rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country. Awaiting your urgent reply via e-mail or carrier pigeon.
Thanks and regards
-- The End --