by Roger Bourke White Jr., copyright November 2016
A lighthearted story about an alien who comes to Earth to experience being a human falling in love. Deam Garetmar, the alien, captures Andrea Mathews, a high school girl, and makes a replica of her body which Deam will control to go flirt with Bobby Bantam, Andrea's boyfriend. But Ouch! Bobby has just dumped Andrea for a new girlfriend. Deam and Andrea now conspire to get the boyfriend back.
Deam Garetmar's flying saucer flits into the Solar System seemingly without a care in the world... well, solar system actually. It moves from place to place, admiring the clouds of Neptune, the crazy tilt of Uranus, and the wild, wild rings of Saturn. It moves deeper and deeper into the solar system. It is headed for Earth. It flits by the Hubble Space Telescope and looks at it with great curiosity and interest -- its camouflage is so good that the telescope can't return the favor.
It arrives at Earth, flies down, and lands in a thick forest in Dewar State Park, not far from Bayzleville, Ohio -- still undetected by anything human. Once landed Deam gets out of the saucer and breathes deeply of Earth forest air. She isn't actually breathing it, but her space suit does some analyzing on what comes in through the vents. She does this because she has seen humans do this in videos of human people ending long trips. Deam and her people have been listening and watching the radio and TV broadcasts that have been beaming away from Earth for over a century now. They are up to the 1950's in what they have seen.
Deam is an alien, but a rather human looking one. She... it actually... is bipedal, about five feet high, with big blue eyes and with gray shiny skin -- underneath her space suit, that is. The suit is form-fitting so her body shape is easy to see, and the helmet is all glass, or the alien equivalent, so her face and head are easy to see, too.
The breathing ritual taken care of, she begins preparations for her mission here on Earth. Deam is here to catch an Earthling and do some experimenting on it -- some experimenting that is near and dear to her heart. Deam hides next to a nearby trail that looks to be lightly traveled. She wants to catch just one human, not a crowd of them.
After just an hour of waiting, the perfect experimental subject comes jogging up the trail. This subject is Andrea Mathews, an attractive high school senior who turned eighteen a month ago, and in addition to looking good is likely to be class valedictorian. She is here on a take-a-break afternoon hike.
Deam zaps her with "stun" on her ray gun and catches her! Deam takes her back to the flying saucer, into the laboratory inside, plops her down on the examination table, and ties her securely to it. Phase One complete!
Andrea recovers shortly after Deam secures her to the table. She looks around and is amazed at what she sees.
"Where am I? What am I doing here?" she looks at Deam, "Who... What... are you?"
It takes a while to happen but Deam smiles back -- another trick she has learned from watching TV -- and now she is getting to attempt it in a real time response. It's tricky for her.
"Sit still now, dear, I'm going to make a replica of your body."
"A what? This is crazy." Andrea struggles but to no avail.
Deam keeps the smile, "Again: sit still. The more you move the longer it will take for the replica to be completed."
"Why are you making a replica of me?" Andrea asks.
"Because I want to experience being a girlfriend." Deam explains, "I'm an anthropologist on my world and I'm fascinated with your human love stories we have heard about in songs and seen on TV. I want to try out being in love."
For a while Andrea is speechless, "This is crazy." she finally says.
Deam practices her smiling again, "For you. But for me it is exciting."
"Look... over there." she points across to the far side of the laboratory. There an alien machine is busy. It has lots of robot arms and other devices. In the center it is glowing and a human body is taking shape. It looks identical to Andrea. "That is an avatar. It is remotely controlled. I will be controlling it to take your place. It's going to visit your boyfriend..." Deam looks hard at Andrea, she is studying her, and reading her mind, "Bobby... Bobby Bantam."
Andrea is amazed, "How did you know that?"
"I read your mind." Deam answers back and gives her another smile, "I will read enough that I can act just like you. And I can experience being in love." for a moment Deam thinks dreamily about that prospect, then snaps out of it and gets back to business, "And then I will write a report on it. It is my thesis topic."
"There isn't going to be much loving involved." says Andrea, "I'm a virgin. And you better keep me that way!" she threatens.
At first Deam is mystified. She does some more mind reading, "Oh! OH... So that's what all that round aboutness has been about! That was sure one of the odder parts of the stories." She thinks a bit, "OK. I think I can work with that... It should make this more interesting, in fact."
A beep comes from the machine on the far side. Deam jumps a bit in delight. "The replica is complete." She goes to a glass-sided controller on another side of the laboratory, gets in, and shuts the door. Once inside she puts on some controllers, and in a minute the replica opens its eyes, and sits up on the platform where it was created. The replica is a totally naked version of Andrea.
It shakes its head and moves its hands and arms in an awkward fashion. It says, "My! This is going to take some getting used to." This is Deam talking through the replica. It awkwardly stands up and slowly walks around the room, almost falling over a couple times. "Yes, this is definitely going to take some getting used to." The replica moves to a chair and manages to sit down in it. Then it goes limp, and Deam gets out of the controller. She walks over to Andrea.
"Let me get you into something more comfortable." she says. She releases Andrea from the table and moves her into a holding cell on the last wall of the laboratory. It looks much like an Old West jail cell. "You'll be more comfortable in here, and you can watch what's happening on that screen over there. Oh, and take all your clothing and stuff off. I need to dress the avatar."
Andrea considers for a moment, then strips -- there doesn't seem to be any reason or hope in objecting. Everything comes off and she hands it to Deam. Deam puts the pile of stuff in front of the replica and then gets back in the controller. She brings the replica to life, and, in a really clumsy way, the replica gets dressed.
"Whew! Lots to learn." says Deam as this dressing goes on. Andrea can't help but smile. This is now looking like some kind of comedy movie.
"I hope you are a fast learner." Andrea comments quietly.
Deam is, and in just five minutes the replica is dressed and walking around the lab. "Much better." says Deam, "I'm going to take it outside now and finish your hike. You can watch on the screen."
The replica walks out of the flying saucer and heads for the trail Andrea was on. The walk is clumsy, like a zombie, but it steadily gets better as each minute passes. Once on the trail it heads back to Andrea's car. When the car gets in sight on her screen Andrea gasps. There is fearfulness in her voice when she shouts over to Deam, "Wait! You're not going to try and drive that, are you! You can hardly walk. How are you going to learn how to drive! You'll wreck my car!"
The replica pauses as Deam thinks about this problem.
"Hmm... You're right. This is a bigger issue than just falling on my ass every so often." She thinks some more, then makes a choice. "OK... I'm going to let you run the replica when it is driving the car."
Andrea's eyes widen, "I can do that?"
"Just like I can." says Deam confidently, "But, I guess you'll have to do some learning, too."
Deam gets out of the replica controller, lets Andrea out of her cell, and helps her get into the replica controller. "Give it a try." she tells Andrea.
For about five minutes Andrea is as clumsy as Deam was, but this is a human body replica so she adapts much more quickly and completely. In ten minutes she is ready to get behind the wheel. She does and drives the car home. When she gets there, Deam takes over again.
"Now, lets meet up with your boyfriend." she says this great anticipation.
Deam walks to Bobby's house. It is only a block away. As she does she gets a thrill of excitement coming from the replica.
"Oh my!" she says to Andrea, "These hormones that surge through your body when you think about Bobby are quite exciting and powerful. Now I'm understanding why you humans sing so many love songs."
As she walks she gets even more in the mood.
"Umm... yes, indeed! I am! I feel like singing myself now."
"Don't you dare try!" says Andrea, "I don't sing. And you know how clumsy you are."
Bobby's door comes close before Deam can break into song. Without hesitation she walks up to the front door. She has her hand on the door handle when Andrea shouts, "KNOCK FIRST! And then wait." Deam knocks and waits.
Bobby Bantam comes to the door and opens it. He looks quite surprised.
"Andrea." he says in a neutral way, he can't think of more to say. He distinctly does not invite her in.
As he is standing there another high school girl comes up behind him. It is Betty Lou Meyer. Andrea recognizes her, she is in the same class as Andrea and Bobby are. Betty looks very comfortable as she walks up behind Bobby, she puts her hand on his shoulder and gives Andrea replica a big "I win" smile.
As she does Bobby finally finds some more words, "Betty and I are... are doing some studying for the test tomorrow." and he adds a big hint, "It's not a class you are in."
Andrea gets it, but Deam doesn't have a clue. Andrea is surprised and outraged at this. Bobby is dumping her for Betty! Sure, she and Bobby had just started hitting it off only a month ago, but this was not on her "could happen" list! In addition to being a complete surprise, she can't think of any quick way to explain this to Deam, so she remains silent, fumes, and just watches this evolve.
Deam doesn't have a clue. She is feeling all the warm fuzzies the Andrea replica is feeling. She smiles a big lovey-dovey smile at Bobby and says, "What class is it? Maybe I can help." And being Deam, with all her alien intelligence, maybe she can.
"It's astronomy. You're an art major." Bobby says it judgmentally and then shuts the door on her.
"But... but, I love astronomy." says Andrea replica to the closed door.
"Let me get in!" shouts Andrea back in the lab. Deam sees that she is clearly not in touch with what's going on so she lets Andrea get back in the replica. When Andrea gets in, the replica now starts filling up with her new emotions -- the sadness, the outrage, the humiliation. Andrea walks the replica away from the door to a quiet spot on the sidewalk between two houses.
"OK. You can take over again." she says, and Deam does.
When Deam gets in Andrea replica first screams, then starts crying. "What! Wow!" says Deam. This emotion surge is sure a surprise to her. But then she recalls some of this in the TV dramas she watched. Recalls, but Andrea replica doesn't recover.
"Take me back to my room." advises Andrea. Deam does, with Andrea replica crying and sobbing all the way. She rushes into the house, up the stairs, and into her room. Andrea's mother is in the kitchen.
"Put me on the bed." advises Andrea. Deam does so, then pops out of the controller. Andrea replica is lying face down on the bed still sobbing, but just quietly now. Deam crosses the lab to the cage, looks at Andrea, and says, "What now? What's happened?"
Andrea says in a straightforward way, "Bobby has dumped me. Betty is his girlfriend now."
Deam thinks about this, then says, "What happens now?"
"Well... nothing. I get to go find a new boyfriend. That may take a while... a long while. The school year is ending, and next year I'll go to college. It will be somewhere completely different, with lots of different people."
"Ouch! This will kill my thesis!" Deam looks desperate, "Is there anything we can do?" she thinks and says, "Can we get Bobby back in love with you? That could be quicker than finding someone new."
"Hah! Good luck with that!" snorts Andrea, but she follows this shortly with, "Well... if you... we can. I'd sure like it. I still think Bobby is super. Well... he can be super... if he gets over this Betty business real, real quickly."
Just then comes a knock on Andrea's bedroom door back in Andrea's home. Deam dashes back to the controller, gets in, and starts controlling Andrea replica just as Andrea's mother opens the door and comes in.
"Is everything all right, darling?" she says as she comes over to the bed and strokes Andrea replica's hair.
Deam stops Andrea replica's sobbing, rolls over and looks up at Mom. She isn't sure what to say, but shortly something comes out, "Oh, I'm fine, Mom. I'm fine."
Mom strokes her hair some more, "What happened?"
"Oh, Bobby and I got into an argument. I came home. I'll be OK."
Deam can't think of anything better to say so she blurts out the truth, "He wouldn't let me help him study for a test."
Mom thinks about this, "Sounds strange."
"It's an astronomy test."
"Ah... that makes more sense now." Mom decides this is just teenage angst, and it will pass. "OK, dear, dinner will be ready in an hour." She gives Andrea replica a kiss on the forehead and heads back for the kitchen.
Andrea replica rolls over on her back, gets thoughtful rather than sobby, and says, "OK, what do we do now?" It is Deam doing the talking.
Andrea says, "We need more information. Can you go spy on Bobby and Betty?"
"The closest thing I have is this." she has Andrea replica slap her thighs.
"Well... let's go." says Andrea, "We can sneak over and look in a window."
Deam likes this plan. Quietly, so as not to disturb Mom, Andrea replica heads out the door, down the stairs, and out of the house. This time they head over through backyards, and when they get to Bobby's house Andrea replica climbs up a tree next to the house and sneaks a peek into Bobby's room.
There are text books on the table, but Bobby and Betty are not paying them any attention. They are giving wholehearted attention to each other, but with all their clothes on.
"Grr..." says Andrea quietly in her cage. She doesn't say any more, but she is wondering if she was controlling the replica if she could jump from the tree into the window and give these two a swat.
Deam is looking at this scene with a cooler head. "How are they going to pass the test?" she says.
"Clearly that's not the mind of either of them, right now. From what I'm seeing, they won't start thinking about that for at least an hour."
"Well, I can abduct Betty. Take her back to my world and experiment on her."
Andrea shudders at that, "Ouch! That only sort-of-solves half the problem. Yeah, Betty is out of the way, but Bobby will still want her. And especially so if he finds out she's been alien-abducted."
Both look and think some more. Bobby starts putting his hands on Betty's chest. She closes her eyes and starts breathing deeply.
"That hussy!" gasps Andrea, "What a slut!" after a pause, "I guess that's why Bobby likes her... Hmmm..." Andrea is thinking hard, "That could be what Bobby sees in her... And what she sees in Bobby... If so... Hmmm." the hard thinking is turning into a plan. "Maybe we can find a boy Betty likes more than Bobby. Now it's pretty clear what she likes." Andrea has another thought, "You better take me back to my room now. It's almost dinner time."
Deam climbs Andrea replica down from the tree and quickly sneaks back to Andrea's room.
In the few minutes while Andrea replica is waiting for dinner in the bedroom, Deam comes over and studies Andrea in her cell. She is reading her mind some more.
She ponders out loud, "If Bobby likes Betty for touching her boobies... how about if we find a boy Betty likes even better who wants to touch her boobies? This could solve the problem this evening."
Andrea replies skeptically, "Just who do you have in mind?"
"Looking at your mind... I'd say Jimmy Galore would do the trick nicely."
Andrea gasps at that. In her mind Jimmy is the hottest item at school. How she longs for him when she sees him in the hallway.
"If you're going to set up Jimmy with someone, set him up with me!" she replies.
Deam smiles that, "That would be satisfying, wouldn't it... if it worked out long term... but that project would take too long. I need you in loving arms tonight, not two weeks from now."
"So how do you propose to get me back in Bobby's arms tonight?" Andrea is still skeptical.
"I have a plan." Deam's smile gets even broader.
That night after dinner Andrea replica slips out again and heads for Bobby's house.
While Andrea replica is sneaking Deam tells Andrea, "I've been making some phone calls using the flying saucer connections. They have a lot more um... capability, than your phone does. Watch this."
At Bobby's house Andrea replica climbs the tree again and knocks on Bobby's window. Surprised, he comes and opens it.
Andrea replica says, "Come on out. There's something I want to show you. It's just down the block."
"What is it?" says Bobby suspiciously.
"Something you really, really want to see."
He looks at getting out on the tree with Andrea replica, but decides to use the back door instead. He comes out, Andrea replica climbs down, and off they head to Betty's house.
There in the backyard, being just a little discrete, are Betty and Jimmy. Betty is in Jimmy's arms. Not just in them, she's melting in them, and Jimmy has his hands on her chest. As Bobby and Andrea replica watch, Jimmy's arms slip around to Betty's back while his lips are still on hers and he tips her over backwards in a dramatic Hollywood-style kiss.
"That hussy!" whispers Bobby. Andrea replica gets in his face, puts her arms on his arms, and whispers, "Let's do them one better."
After just a moment of amazement, Bobby thinks this is a great idea. He pulls her to him, pulls her lips to him, and Andrea replica melts in his arms. She sighs, and back in the flying saucer Deam sighs. After a moment of watching all this sighing going on Andrea joins in.
It is late, late that same night. Andrea replica comes into the flying saucer. Deam releases Andrea from the cell. "Get dressed." she tells Andrea and Andrea replica strips down.
"We're all done now, Andrea." says Deam. She smiles once more. This time there is a gasp with the smile as she remembers the hot time she has had with Bobby. "You have quite a boyfriend there, at least in my opinion. And I now have a really hot thesis to bring back to my class." She strokes Andrea's hair, "Thank you, my dear."
Andrea has her clothes on now, "You think I can make it with Bobby?" she says.
Deam looks at her admiringly, "I think you two can make it really big time. My guess is: I may come to envy you."
Andrea is ready to leave. Before she goes she gives Deam a kiss and says, "I wish you good luck on your thesis. And I wish you good luck on whatever you have that is like me and Bobby being together and in love.
"This has been quite a day, all right."
Andrea yawns, it has been a long day, and she rushes out to head home. Test day tomorrow at school.
Once she is out of sight, the flying saucer flits back into space and heads home with Deam still smiling.
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