“We will go now,” said Lorenz. “This night my Queen will tell me of her hoard and we will be gone by sunrise. You may then enter her lair and deal with what is left.”
“One last request, Herr Waffenmeister,” asked Marija. “Can we see your true Dragon form?”
Lorenz grinned a Gnomish grin that looked somehow broader than ear-to-ear. “That, Miss Frankopan, is like me asking you to take off all your clothing, right here and now. Interesting, perhaps instructive, but not proper.”
Marija blushed. “My apologies, Lord Dragon.”
“None needed, my dear. But if you ever happen to be at the Church of Santa Morina in the Piedmont, you might gaze upon the fresco on your right hand as you enter. I’ve been long acquainted with the artist, Antonello Quinono. Look for the being that winks at you.”
That night we five humans camped under the stars. As we erected a large tent for the ladies and me, Grigor told me, “I’ll take both watches. I slept well into the evening.” As we quickly set up a small tent for him, he remarked, in mock regret, “I’ll just wander around, all by myself, and think about Dragana. And try not to listen to any noises you make.”
I punched him in the shoulder and left him grinning.
The ladies and I were all tender with relief at the outcome of this adventure. We fell asleep after perhaps making just a little noise. I woke under the high moon and left the tent to find my friend.
“I am troubled, Grigor,” I said.
“About what?” he replied with no trace of mockery.
“My villagers believe these ladies dead and eaten.”
“But you slew the Dragon so they wouldn’t be. … Except you didn’t.”
“That’s the problem. Almidahl is defeated, not dead. The only corpse I have to show off is the machine, which is so badly damaged I’m not sure we can even disassemble it.
“What do I tell the villagers? What do these ladies tell the villagers?”
“The truth?” proposed Grigor.
“What? That I have been secretly abducting beautiful young women for ten years and selling them into …well, not exactly slavery, but a very limited freedom? That these last three girls and I have had a few abandoned nights paired off and then all together, and some wild parties with a Gnome who’s really a Dragon, but now all of that’s over and don’t worry, they’re just very well-educated virgins?” I shook my head. “This was messier than I anticipated, Grigor.”
“I see what you mean,” he said. We sat in silence, watching the moonlit spring night pass.
Adrijana joined us. “I’m restless tonight. Can I relieve one of you watchmen?”
“No, but you can help me think about a quandary,” I said, and explained.
“Ouch! You—we—do have a problem.” As she thought, she stroked the back of my neck. Grigor quietly got up and walked away. I wondered whether he’d managed to find any time with Dragana in the last while.
Finally I said, “There are two comparatively straightforward solutions.
“I can send you off as I first proposed. Then some time before next Dragon Day I can get some adventurer with too much courage and not enough sense to investigate the Dragon lair and find it long abandoned.
“Or I can ‘rescue’ you from the lair and send you home now. But I’d need to wipe your memories, because otherwise sooner or later you’d slip, like any human. But I don’t know if my strongest spell can reverse what you’ve learned of yourselves and your … desires.”
Adrijana snuggled a bit closer. “Neither sounds good to me.” She looked up at me, decision in her look, and kissed me lightly. “Baron, I want to stay at your side. I am now your woman, if you’ll have me.” Then her face fell. “If your chancellor, your general, and all the rest of your court will have me.”
“They advise me, Adrijana, they don’t control me. Besides, I’m sure they’ll see that destiny has brought us together,” I declared. Then I kissed her back, quite thoroughly.
But as we headed back to the tent, I was wondering what I could possibly do with Ana and Marija. Perhaps I could become a Muslim and take all three of them for wives; they got along well enough with each other and with me. Then I imagined what Niko would say. And Grigor. And Josif, his father-in-law. Not to mention Todor, the Bishop. Clearly I needed to sleep on the problem until I regained sanity.
At dawn, we awoke to Grigor frying breakfast over a little fire. Afterwards, we investigated the dragon machine. It would never puff again. Repairing it would amount to rebuilding and re-enchanting it. So someone would have to spend hours or days cutting it up to haul away as scrap. Unless that someone was me or Grigor, I would have to explain what the contraption was doing here in place of the missing Dragon body. The problem was not getting easier.
At sunrise we were about to enter the presumably empty lair. Grigor insisted the ladies wait while he and I went in, with his sword out and my protection spell ready to throw over us both. I almost triggered that spell, Grigor stopped so suddenly. He gasped, and I saw the Dragon body he had spotted.
There was no doubt that it was Queen Almidahl’s body, pierced by giant crossbow bolts and dead as a stone, with a folded letter propped against her snout. That letter read:
My Dear Baron:
It occurred to Queen Almidahl and me that your story desperately needed a Dragon body for its happy ending.
At my suggestion, the Queen graciously assembled a simulacrum and we promptly killed it. Please remember to thank her the next time you see her.
With my sincerest hopes that you will find a happy ending,
I remain your humble servant,
Lorenz Waffenmeister
Grigor grunted. “Thinks of everything, doesn’t he?” Then almost unwillingly, “I like that in a man. Even in a Gnome.”
Dragons keep inventories only in their heads, so there was no way to know what Queen Almidahl and Qin Non-won had taken from her hoard without questioning one of them. What remained was breathtaking. I summoned another ethereal messenger to carry word of success to Niko, and to have him come with a party of honest men to clear out the lair. I authorized him to reward each of them, and himself, with one or two pieces of treasure; honesty is easier to maintain when it is well paid.
I chose a few emerald items that matched Adrijana’s eyes and presented them to her. For Marija I found a magnificent golden comb to highlight that wonderful dark hair, and for Ana a golden belt that would make the most of her magnificent figure. Grigor surprised me by stowing an exquisite ivory flute in his pack. “You don’t know how to play that,” I said, “do you?”
“No, but it’s so beautiful that I know it’s my destiny to learn.”
Adrijana insisted I take a massive golden “hero’s chain” to wear when I stood in the Great Square to announce the Dragon’s passing.
When we had repacked the crossbows, the tents, and our other gear, and were ready to head home, I solemnly donned the chain and tried out the pronouncement I would later make to the whole valley.
After a partly accurate account of how we had slain Queen Almidahl and acquired her hoard, I concluded, “From now on, Dragon Day will be celebrated in a new way. From each town and village of the Kalzov Valley, a young man and a young woman will be selected and sent to one of the great cities to study. They will bring what they learn—the natural sciences of Florence, the cuisine of Paris, the scholarship in law of Bologna, whatever it is—back to our valley. The Dragon Day sacrifice will truly do what was intended: Better us all.
“The Dragon Day ceremonies and the selection of cities will be overseen by Marija Frankopan, Ana Gorjanski, and Adrijana Okiv, all now honored members of my household … and one a bit more.” I put my arm around Adrijana and kissed her.
Then Grigor drove off ahead; the ladies clearly had something on their mind that he didn’t need to be a part of.
“Well,” said Ana, holding her wrists behind her and rocking a bit, “this was like the first time you saw us, and then you tied us up and carried us home.” Her eyes were lighted by the memory.
“You want me to tie you up now? For the trip back?”
Ana nodded. “Just this one last time.”
“I’ll compromise. I’ll tie you all up, but one of you has to ride up front where I can reach you.” I gave them a mock leer and twirled my moustache.
“Very well,” said Adrijana, “as long as we get to take turns. And I get the last and longest turn—until death do us part.”